[Pet Loss]
Are you grieving for a pet?
For those who understand the magical person-pet bond, the loss of a pet is devastating.
The loss of any loved one is difficult. How is pet loss grief different from other types of grief?
Our relationships with our pets are exceptionally close (no secrets!)
Our relationships are “Forever” (they will not move away and build a new life)
We are fully responsible for every aspect of their lives
We have the ability and responsibility to provide euthanasia (and then bear the guilt)
Those who would normally offer support say, “Get over it – It’s just a pet!”
Write a post below to share your grief story. What helps you? What doesn’t help you? Write about your healing.
Have you read “So Easy to Love, So Hard to Lose”?
Write a post below. Tell me (and everyone) if my book helped you. Please keep in mind that it’s only a book! It will not make an impending loss go away and it will not make your grief vanish. Tell me if reading this book made you stronger and calmer, and ready to go through the rest of your loss and grief journey.
Write your post below.
CLICK to order this book from the publisher
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I adopted Bullet in September 1992. He became my best friend quickly, and (no offense to my human or other pet friends), he was the BEST best friend I ever had.
Over the years there were many times I nearly lost Bullet, or thought I was going to lose him. At the end, when it was really the end, I felt I had been through the loss so many times and still nothing had prepared me for the actual loss. There isn’t any way to be prepared. I lost Bullet in November 2004, he was almost 14 years old. He had survived cancer about 3 years longer than he was expected to and he had survived heart disease about 2 years longer than the vets predicted.
I couldn’t feel cheated, I couldn’t be angry. I had so much extra time with Bullet but that didn’t make it any less painful to lose him.
We just lost our pet tonight. We took him to be put to sleep. It has been the most heart breaking time in my life.
I met Rexxy when I met my boyfriend, nearly 4 years ago. He already had him for several years. I instantly fell in love with Rexxy. He was a dalmatian and the sweetest dog I had ever known. I used to always say we’re soul mates, because the connection I felt with him was so strong. And I felt like I knew him all my life. I always knew how he was feeling, what he wanted, etc.
He died tonight at the age of 14. He had been battling bone cancer for nearly a year. This last month, his weight dramatically dropped, he couldn’t hold his urine or bowels, he couldn’t walk or stand on his own, and we had to hand-feed him. But through it all, we stuck by his side, providing as much comfort as we can.
In his final days, we treated him with twinkies, coffee, and pasta – his favorites that he wasn’t allowed to have often otherwise.
The hospital we took him to was amazing. They gave us our own private sitting room to spend time with him. Once they injected him, we watched him take his final breath. I hysterically cried, unable to hold back. (I never cry in front of people, I’m not one to show my emotions, but tonight I did) They allowed us to stay with him, for as long as we needed. We held him in our arms, gave him kisses goodbye, and told him how much we love him. He looked so at peace, and I was grateful for that. I just didn’t want to see him suffering anymore.
A death of a pet is just the same as a death of a family member, because they are part of the family. A person will not understand this unless they’ve gone through the same grief. I feel grateful for having known him and I anticipate seeing him again, once it’s my time to leave this earth.
Rexxy was lucky to have known you too! You are so right when you say that they are family members – they are if we let them be, like you let Rexxy and I let Bullet. I hope they are at the Rainbow Bridge together now.
Take a look at my book “So Easy to Love, So Hard to Lose. I think it will help you appreciate and pay tribute and at the same time, work through your loss.
Thank you for posting your story, Rexxy’s mom.
My beloved dog, Cosmo, died last July after a diagnosis of cancer was made. We opted not to have chemotherapy and radiation done on him. Just recently, my 11-year old Alaskan Malamute, was diagnosed with an acute onset of diabetes; after being hospitalized for 16 days, we were able to bring him home. His diabetes is still not controlled, but we are continuing to manage it as best as we can, as well as having him undergo cold laser treatments on a weekly basis for the diabetic neuropathy. We prayed and asked God for a sign to know if we were really doing the right thing in attempting to save him vs acting out of selfishness for ourselves in not letting him go. You never really know what the right answer is; I still have recriminations from not letting Cosmo have a chance at chemo/radiation, although as a nurse myself, I’ve seen what it can do to humans. I have grieved over my pets over the years more than I’ve ever grieved for humans. Pets are so unassuming and only want to please you. There is just no easy way to prepare for that day when you know that you’ll have to let them go. I only wish that they could outlive us.
Joyce, we cannot second guess decisions we made for our pets in the past. Your sweet Cosmo may not have responded to treatment, as you know from cancer treatment for humans. Some do well in treatment and others do not. I choose to believe that you intuitively knew that Cosmo was not going to do well and so your decision was the best one.
I don’t know if I want my pets to outlive me – unless I can have them sent to YOU to care for after I’m gone??
I sit here now with my Zeus. He is a big Alaskan Malemute with the heart of angel. I just found out yesterday that he has a mass blockage in his bladder. He is incontenent and in a lot of pain. The vet told me to put him down but my ex is out of town so i couldnt do it without his consent. They gave me antibiotics and pain meds to keep him comfortable for 2 days till he gets home.
So I have been laying beside him and giving him love and cookies. The pain meds are definately making him comfortable. He is like his old self. However, we all know his fate. So, I sit here in tears knowing comes next not sure what to do with myself besides cry and hug him. This is our final moments together, for the last time. Every second counts.
I have experienced this before, but it doesnt make any difference or ease the pain. The love they give us is so beautiful. If your reading this, you are either going through it or have gone through it looking for peace. I know my beloved Bonnie will be waiting for him and that gives me comfort. To know when Im faced with my own death, I will have Bonnie and Zeus…….forever.
God Bless Zeus………and me and my ex, the survivors….
Monica,
When we know they are near the end, so near the end like Zeus, the most important thing is the love. [As long as the pain is controlled! If the meds cannot control the pain please have the clinic get your x's permission by phone or fax or however they can.]
You are beautiful, lying beside your boy to give him that love. We are going thru a similar situation now with my boyfriend’s dog Butchie. Not as immediate as yours, but very soon now. We want to send them to the Bridge with their hearts full of our love, their eyes full of that loving look that will never end. And that same loving look we shared with them at the end stays with us forever.
i have just said goodbye to my beloved angel she became a warrior 18months ago with lymphoma she was a brave and devoted companion to let her go was the hardest thing i had to do but in your book you said you when it is time to let them go for princess the time came at 11-30 on the 5/5/2011 her finally strengh was to let me see her walk one last time to her vets office for a checkup and as she got into the surgery she collapsed her heart stopped. the pain of losing her is so great but i know she is free from pain and the sickness of chemo and she again is happy and healthy at the rainbow bridge i would give anything i could to hold her one more time to feel her paws on my leg telling me to share dinner with her, to give her treats in return for something she had picked up in the garden. I sat and held her as the breath left her, telling her how much i loved her and begged her not to leave but in the end she had had enough and was ready to go
god bless you Princess you have left a void that can never be replaced i will always love you mumma
I will light a candle for Princess in NY tonight, next to Bullet’s candle. Kate, you are very wise to know that your girl was ready to go. It was best for her even though I know it is so painful for you.
It will become less painful, you will see, as you go through the rest of the book “So Easy to Love, So Hard to Lose.” There are questions for you to answer on each page. I worked very hard to get the questions just right – the right questions, in the right order. I hope they will, bit by bit, bring you from the pain to a different place where you can remember Pricess with a smile instead of with tears. You will see that all of the wonderful memories you have — sharing your dinners and thanking her for the grody bits she brought you from the garden — they will overpower your sad memories of the last days and of the loss.
Godspeed, sweet Princess. Give my Bullet a big kiss for me when he greets you at the Bridge.
Laurie thankyou for your wonderful reply just to know that you have lit a candle for my beloved Princess brings comfort to a heart that is very much in pain I know that Princess is in a far better place at the Rainbow Bridge and that your beautiful Bullet would have been there to meet her Princess would sit by my side and i would read her things from your book about what she had to eat and how Bullet got through his chemo. She would know when i got the book down from the bookcase it became like a cancer bible to us hoping that we would have her for as long as you had your beautiful Bullet
Kate, would you like me to add a photo of you and Princess, next to your comments about the book, on the book’s website? If so, just email me a beautiful photo to email@jangenpress.com.
Have you read my other book, the Pet Loss book called “So Easy to Love, So Hard to Lose” ? I think it would help.
Hi Laurie:
I have a 15-year-old Yorkie named Basia (Basha). I saw her be born and picked her out immediately, so we have, in essence, been together from day one. She is now blind, deaf and going down quickly. So many things are happening, and today I am struggling with when to let go. She can’t see or hear, but she knows when I am near, and I know that she is comforted when we are close. I just break when I think of letting her go. I wish there was a way to know for sure that we will be together in the afterlife – that will be my Heaven. I want to know animals go to Heaven, and she will be there waiting for me when it is my turn.
I am a member of an online blind-dog group, and someone just recommended your book to me. I am ordering it now. Thank you for this source of support and comfort.
Anthony Salas
Basia knows your touch and doesn’t have to see or hear to feel your love. You are her whole life, as you know, you are her raison d’etre, her entire reason for being here. The most important thing is that she is not in pain or suffering. As for being sure that you will be with her again, of course there is no guarantee but you can choose to believe. Watch this, please – Rainbow Bridge
I promise, my book will help you! I wasn’t sure of this when I first released it for publication. I was exhausted from going over the details over and over to try to get it just right. The right words, in the right order. I felt I could keep doing that forever and never get it right. But the people who are writing to me about my book have given me confidence that it really will help and all my work on the details actually resulted in a little book that will give a lot of people a great deal of help.
I have recently finished “So Easy to Love, So Hard to Lose” and wanted to share my review in hopes that it will benefit anyone who has recently lost the love of their life.
Both my 13 and 15 year old huskies passed away within the last 3 months. They were like my kids and the loss has been near debilitating at times. A dear friend recommended this book and I’ll admit I hesitated reading it at first. I was scared of the feelings it might bring back, bargaining with myself whether I really needed it or not; I tried to rationalize my way out of it every way imaginable. I’m now kicking myself for not reading it sooner.
I figured I would highlight the elements I found particularly helpful: The way the book was formatted, one page of content per one page of journaling, kept me engaged. This interactive format made me ‘invest’ into my grief work than if it was all content. Of course there were questions that I definitely avoided answering and told myself, ‘That’s enough for tonight, I’ll do it later’ but those turned out to be the most helpful.
The author addresses many different loss scenarios that I thought wouldn’t be relevant to me but reading about them opened my eyes to how it ‘could have been’. It gave me a new perspective on my losses and helped me see the positive elements in each scenario.
A sliding scale at the end of certain sections encouraged me to ‘check-in’ with myself and my feelings at the present moment. It wasn’t always on the positive side of the scale for me, but bit by bit it gradually moved in the right direction.
I started the book feeling 100% sad 100% of the time as my beginning ‘check-in’ suggested. The fact that I am actually able to remember happy times with my babies and smile speaks volumes of the progress I made with the help of the workbook. Maybe that would have happened eventually without the book, but the content and the work helped me get there in a positive, constructive way. It helped me think about each factor of their lives, when all I was able to think about was their passing. It helped me find, cherish and embrace the beauty in everything we shared, and still share.
I am so so very fortunate that my friend recommended this book to me. I hope you find this book as helpful as I did. Lord knows we can use the help right now.
My best friend Chaka, over 13 years we’ve spent togather, has passed away last night. He had lymphoma, only lasted about a month on prednizone. At least he is not suffering now. I did’t know how many tears I could cry. They have been coming ever since. It hasn’t even been 24 hours, but some how I think hes going to run around the corner. Even though I was the one who wrapped him in his blanket with his toys and buried him. I don’t know what to say or do, except my heart HURTS! I got him when I was 18 years old, now 31. He grew up with me. He has been through everything with me, He always knew how to make me happy, or knew when to just cuddle and love me when I was feeling bad. He was the smartest dog I’ve ever met. When the vet came to put him down (at my house) I just layed with him telling him how much I loved him, and how he was such a good boy, and everything was ok, and he could go. Now I’m having a hard time taking all his beds out, food bowls, left over dog food, meds. I’m happy hes not suffering, but I feel like I just want to sleep for a week. I love the web site Rainbow Bridge. Laurie, you are sooo very helpful, and I hope my Chaka and your Bullet are having a great time togather. I know I will see my baby someday, and we can be togather agian
You and Chaka will always be together, forever Ericka. Your bond is unbreakable even by death. We will see our pups again, what a wonderful day that will be. Until then, you must take care of yourself. This is one of the ways you can pay tribute to your precious boy.
I just heard your interview with KTK9 in Minnesota. I can’t wait to get your book..although I know I’ll cry through the entire thing! I’ve had many dogs in my life. Spiker..who was a poodle mix, had to be euthanized 7 years ago because of cancer. I still get teary eyed when I think of the love we had for her. She was my confidant…and my boys. She was 8 weeks old when I got her…a divorced mom with two young boys ages 4 & 6. They got to name her. She was our everything. And I swore I would never get another dog again, the pain was so intense when she went over the Rainbow Bridge. But three years later I found myself looking at dog sites. And two years after that felt my heart opening…ever so slightly…to allow another love into my life! My boys now grown (26 & 28) my now husband and I got Bella three years ago. She is a yorkie-lhasa-poodle. I can’t imagine my life without her. I forgot how much better my life is with a dog. And I know Spiker is watching out after her.
Kim thanks for listening to KTK9′s show, she is fabulous. I’m glad you caught our interview. When you get my book, take a look at page 60. You are not alone in your reluctance to have another pet after losing and grieving for an especially beloved pet like Spiker. My hope is that everyone will, in time, change their minds, because there are so many wonderful creatures out there in need of a good home. By a good home, I mean with an owner who will love them through life and, eventually, grieve for them.
Spiker will wait for you at the fabled Ranbow Bridge, you will see her again. In the meanwhile, you are holding her in your heart, shedding a tear for her once in a while, but mostly smiling on her, remembering the joy she brought you and your boys.
I like your motto and I agree completely – life IS better with a dog! Give kisses to Bella from me!
Hi!
It’s been 1 yr today (10/10/11) since I put my beloved 19yr old cat Samantha to sleep. Hard to believe it’s been one year. I know I did the right thing, as in the final weeks, I finally knew she was really suffering, as she primarily used the carpet as her litter box, sleep more than normal, didn’t jump into bed anymore + actually let me hold her and would fall asleep in my arms.
My college friend/roommate Yogi got her from the pound back in 1991. Eventually, Samantha found her way to living w/me in Minnesota, after I came home to Ohio in 1994 for a visit. So, I had her for most of her life.
This is the memorial scrapbook dvd that I created for Samantha:
PET MEMORIAL Scrapbook Dvd:Tribute to 19yr old cat Samantha~Man’s Best Friend by Jonanthan Cain via YoutTube (http://youtu.be/rmR-8_dF41w)
Thank you for sharing the YouTube memorial Viv, it’s beautiful!
Samantha surely knew how you loved her. Your little girl had all of those wonderful days with you, you gave her a wonderful life and then you let her go at the end so that she wouldn’t have to be in pain.
See if you can estimate what day you took her home, and then add up how many days you were together.
* On December 23, 2010, I helped my kitty TipToe go to the Rainbow Bridge. She was also 19 years old.
On Tuesday, December 21, I woke up and my deaf white boxer, Einstein, woke up with me. He and I had a talk and during this talk I sure felt like him and I decided that it was about time for him to leave us. He was acting as normal as an almost 12 year old boy can act. His appetite was there and he was drinking just fine. But I thought we would revisit our talk after Christmas, I wanted one more Christmas with my boy!! On Wednesday, he was acting as usual. We had to leave for a few hours and when we got home, his eyes were droopy, but he seemed okay, and we would take him to the vet the next day. It would not be until later in the night that we would realize that our boy just wasn’t all there. He was very restless, which in turn, so were my husband and myself. At about 630 am, Einstein, went into my messy closet and wanted to lay down. I cleared it out, and put the dog bed in there for him and he laid down, but looked up at me and gave me this look like, come on, la down with me, so I did. We snuggled together and covered up with blankets and went to sleep. i slept for 2 hours and he slept for 3 hours. When he woke up, I knew it was time. Our daughters were away, but I called them to let them know that it was time and they needed to come home and say their goodbyes. That was the longest day of my life!! We had scheduled an appointment to have him put to sleep at 530pm. There was an emergency at the vet, and we ended up having to wait until around 730pm. Which was okay, because it gave us more time with our boy, but, it also made it harder to know if we made the right decision. At about 715pm, the vet came into the room, and did an exam. He did confirm that it was time for Einstein to go and join his two sisters in heaven. When he sedated him, my boy fell into a deep sleep and just started snoring. It made me smile because I LOVED his snoring and I was so glad that I got to hear it one more time!! Then, it was time, and my boy peacefully passed away. It happened so fast and our family just lost it!! Our boy was gone!! We adopted him from the boxer rescue at 9-10 months old and he was just a few weeks shy of turning 12, but I just don’t feel like I had enough time with him. Originally, we were asked to foster him, and when we went to meet him before he was neutered, I fell in love with him. I told the lady to get his adoption papers in order because when I took him home, I was never giving him back!! He was scared when we brought him home, and I let him sleep on my pillows while I pet him all night long so that he knew he was safe. He slept there until the end!! I miss getting kicked in the face and the snoring in my ear!! He was special….He loved every person he met and every animal he met!! He never misbehaved, he was never startled, he was just perfect. And now I sit here, 5 days later, and I can’t stop crying!! I miss him so much!! He means the world to me and I just can’t picture life without him. We have had two other boxers that we adopted before him and one passed away in 2002, and the other in 2008. After Einstein passed away, it made me miss the two other boxers even more. The first one, she was mainly my husbands dog, but I loved her to death. The second one, we got as a 7 week old puppy and her and I were so close and when she passed away I took it pretty hard, but maybe because we had Einstein, I was able to handle it a little better. After the two females passed, I know they came back to let me know they were okay, and that was within the first few days, but he hasn’t been around and it makes my heart hurt even more!! I just don’t know how to handle losing him….I have been looking to buy your book to help me through this difficult time, but I am afraid it has to do more with helping someone whose dog has passed from cancer.
Hi Laurie
I left our story on the wrong site.
I left it on your pet peeve site.
I can’t tell it again it was to hard the first time. I’m sorry but my wife and I are a little upset right now.
I just found the lump in Ron’s neck a couple hour’s ago.Sorry for the mistake.
Please don’t worry about which site it was on. If I knew how to move it to the other one I would do it but I don’t know how.